Funny texts Parents send.

The mobile phone has changed the world as we know it, and the poor parents/grandparents, are left behind. For those lucky enough to know what life was like before skype, wasapp, sms, internet, the mobile can be seen as a mixed blessing. Now you can be reached at all times, and woe betide you if you don't instantly pick that phone up! You have to be available on tap! on demand. No rest for the wicked. Well not any more. Unless you didn't succumb to buying or receiving a mobile phone. Even if you have pay as you go, don't think that lets you off the hook.. nope, you still more than ever need to be on demand, never ever miss that call to the sound of Tiffany's, 'I think we're alone now'. Only your not, and you never will be again. 

Have a chuckle at these random funny and snortingly amusing texts, genuinely sent, from folk of that certain age, and some from my mum as well. Enjoy. 

DAD:	Where are you? YMWTK
ME:	I’m at Starbucks. What is YMWTK?
DAD:	Your mother wants to know.

---

DAD:	You know how I like to stop and stoplights and bark at the dogs next to me to see if they’ll start barking? I just did that and the lady driving looked over and caught me in the act.
ME:	…I did not know that that was something you liked to do…
DAD:	Really? You can bark silently- act like your barking- and about 50% of dogs will bark back
DAD:	Try it

MOM: did you get the tequila out?
MOM: the dogs r probably hot and need a drink.
ME: You give the dogs tequila?
MOM: oh… I meant water
ME: You cant type “tequila” and actually mean water
MOM: ahem, autocorrect


                             

ME:If there are a bunch of ants on my floor, is that cause for concern?
DAD:Any uncles?

MOM: the house down the street got busted for a meth lab. There is caution tape and it is quarantined and everything.
ME: That is crazy! Do you know the people?
MOM: No, but they didn’t water their lawn so I was not surprised.

Anniversary Dinner

ME: How was the steak by the way!?
MOM: Dinner was good. Sadly, dad was not able to get his straw paper to work but I am proud to report that I zinged him good with mine!!!

MOM: Please take the children out of the freezer if still frozen.
YOU: I don’t even want to look in the freezer now.
MOM: CHICKEN!!!!1!

MOM: Your sweetener came
MOM: Swaddler
MOM: Sweat
MOM: Swatter
MOM: Sweater...

ME: A place I am applying for an internship said on their site that they actively try for a diverse staff. How can I sneakily mention that I am Mexican in a cover letter or resume?
MOM: Hola?

mum: dinner ready at 1one
me: lovely. What is it? 
mum: Foxpots
me: MMM Is that made with real foxes? 
mum: WHAT are you goign on about. Are you stil COMING OVSRr?  

Me:   what you shouting for

mum: I AM NOT ShoutING  LOOK :) 

me:So what's for tea? 

mum: I tols you, FOXPOSTS

me: You mean hot pot?

mum: I SAID THAT! dont be funny Its hard typing with 1! hand.

me: Why one hand? 

mum: ve got the foxpots i nthe other! 

Me Hi, can you pick me up from school? 
Mum YES
ME   Will be at the front gates at 3.15 
MUM: OK
Me: Sure its ok 

MUM   OK

see you then 

 MUM OK 

5 MINS LATER

MUM: Why did you NOT REPLY

Me: To what text? 

Mum: OK

Me: ermm ok back, is that ok! 

MUM YES OK

DAD: Hello…
ME: Hi!
(1 day later)
DAD: Why are you texting Mom today instead of me?
ME: Because I had a question to ask her
DAD: But you are my texting partner so text me and i will give her the message

ME: I got a 54/54 on my history test!
MOM: Alright. Moving in the right direction.
ME: Please try to sound a little happier next time I get a 100.
MOM: YIIIIIPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!! YYYYYIIIPPPPEEEEEEE! KKKKKKIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
MOM: !!!!!

Mum you ok? 

GRANDPA: I finished the harry potter movie. Couldnt hear half of it because my hearing aid fell out but it was visually stimulating. But not as visually stimulating as Avatar. What is Voldamert’s purpose in life?

Mum: I want

Mum: I want an owl for Christmas

Me: There is one hanging in our back garden

Mum: OMG Can you CATCH it for4 me

Mum: I will buy the cage then u don't need to spend money

Me: I promise I will

Are you joking? you cant joke about things liek that bwt

Me: I cant catch it, its huge!LOL

Mum: Is it really there, Im on my way as im textn

Me: Its HUGE

Mum:  iT HUGS! OMG Dont frighten it!

Story Competitions

Short Story YA fiction competition, deadline 3 March 2014

Mardibooks are offering up to 30 IdeasTap members the chance to have their work published in a young adult fiction IdeasTap/Mardibooks e-book anthology sold on Amazon.

Judging

The Mardibooks team

The judges are looking for an original idea, well devised, with an interesting story and developed characterisation. It should be cogent and with an intriguing use of imagery, setting and atmosphere. There should be an interesting use of language and considered and appropriate structural devices.

Deadline

03/03/14

Description

Are you the new JK Rowling or Suzanne Collins? Well we’ve got just the opportunity for you...
Our pals at Mardibooks are offering up to 30 IdeasTap members the chance to have their work published in a young adult fiction IdeasTap/Mardibooks e-book anthology sold on Amazon.
Young adult fiction is usually prose written for readers aged 16 to 25, and so the tone and construction of your short story will need to fit this demographic.

The Mardibooks team is looking for an original idea, well devised, with an interesting story and developed characterisation. Your stories need to show an interesting use of language and considered and appropriate structural devices. Submissions should be from 1,200 to 5,000 words in length.
About Mardibooks

Mardibooks was set up by writers Martin Godleman and Belinda Hunt in 2011 to publish and promote writers with talent, but with no access to the publishing world.

Mardibooks primarily give their time to writers providing advice, editing, proof reading and preparing texts for publication as ebook and/hard copy. They then manage the publishing and distribution including showing writers how best to promote themselves.

This brief closes on Monday 3 March 2014 at 5pm and is open to IdeasTap members aged 16 and over. If you have any technical queries, visit the help centre. Late entries will not be accepted under any circumstances, including technical issues – so make sure you don’t leave your application to the last minute.

Image used under Creative Commons from Christchurch City Libraries.

Follow this brief to download the application form

How to apply

To apply, first click the Follow this brief button. A link to download the application form will then appear - download it and fill it out thoroughly.

Once you've saved your application form, click Apply now – and then just follow the instructions on the page.

Please upload supporting material to your IdeasTap portfolio – the judges will look at this when evaluating your application.

And make sure that you have a photo on your profile. As with all IdeasTap briefs, you have to have a profile photo or image to be eligible. It doesn't have to be a headshot, and you won't be judged on the quality of the image.

This brief closes on Monday 3 March 2014 at 5pm and is open to IdeasTap members aged 16 and over. If you have any technical queries, visit the help centre. Late entries will not be accepted under any circumstances, including technical issues – so make sure you don’t leave your application to the last minute.

How to apply click link and fill in form. 

http://www.ideastap.com/Opportunities/Brief/59c344fc-d4c1-47ed-ac3b-a288011e45ed#Overview

Mumsnet/Gransnet/Walkers Writing Competition and Writers Bureau Monthly Competition

Mumsnet/Gransnet/Walkers Writing Competition (c/d 6th Jan 2014)

Mumsnet/Gransnet and Walker books have just announced details of another free-to-enter children’s story competition. The ten chosen stories (which have to have an ‘animal’ theme), will be published in a new book and will earn their authors a lovely £500. 

All the details are here and you haven’t got long, as the closing date is 6th January 2014.

Writers Bureau Monthly Competition (c/d 31st Dec 2013)

Someday At Christmas

                                                                                 

Someday at Christmas men won't be boys Playing                                                            
 bombs like kids play with toys.

Memories are brought back so easy when you play the songs that were played to you as a child.
I received Motown at Christmas album and The Partridge family Christmas album the year Santa brought me a record player. I played them over and over, especially 'Someday at Christmas', and 'One little Christmas tree' by Stevie Wonder.
Every year I will get them out and dust them down. This year they are still brought out, (In fact it was this morning) no need to dust them off these days as it is all digitally mastered, and with one magic click the oldies of yesteryear are brought back into the living room, bringing with it the Christmas's of past. 

My Friends were listening to Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' about that time, and Boney M's 'Mary's Boy Child', closely followed by the classic Wham's 'Last Christmas' and Shakin Steven's* 'Merry Christmas' in the years to follow. (Which I can't believe I haven't heard in the shops yet this year) Now that I have said that, it will no doubt be the very first song i hear upon setting foot into B&M Bargains this week.  
I was all Motown and Partridge family. I loved those songs long before I was  aware David Cassidy or Stevie Wonder were popular.

So what does Christmas mean to you?
It meant family time to me as a young child. 
I put that question to my children and their views are similar to mine as a child. 
Children's views are mainly moulded from their own experiences, still young enough to be influenced largely by your parents/guardians and surroundings they grown up in.
My youngest told me that her best friend celebrates Christmas going to church most of the day, and her other best friend (you can have more than one bestie* apparently) thinks Christmas is no big deal and doesn't really celebrate Christmas time.
She wanted my opinions on that. 
Hmm
How to put it into words. 
My thoughts were along these lines - Christmas is celebrated so many different ways to some, and not at all to others. Which is right?
Well the plain simple answer is if it feels right to that person, then that way is the right way. 
Do we have the monopoly to tell someone how or even whether to celebrate at all? Certainly not in my opinion. I don't think society should dictate 'this is the done way and any other way is wrong' or feed us information to brainwash us one way or another. Let us be happy, let us celebrate, or not. Let it be our choice.

They say Christmas has the highest suicide rates, because a lot of people feel alone more at this time of year, and see no way out. A time where some have lost loved ones, or don't know where the next meal is coming from. I'm not talking about the Victorian ages here. You could be forgiven for thinking the Victorian age has caught up with us in some ways. Society is more aware of the poor needing care and support these days and not just through the media, but through living it. It isn't just happening to someone else, it is happening to your good friend, or neighbour or you. 
True richness comes not from your income but your outcome, your own out put of a smile or a gesture to offer support or care. Whether it be a kind word on the internet, or a smile to your neighbour or a positive step in getting in touch with someone you have not heard from, for one reason or another. 
Giving a kindness.
It goes a long way, and is the only real richness a person can accomplish and be worthy of. 

So today Christmas* or whatever word you want to put there in its place. means to me, the well-being of mankind.
If the vast amount of worldly resources that were put into wars were instead used and 'put' the opposite way, to obtain a more harmonising equality existence, then would that mean living in standards somewhere along the lines of world peace? Well as near as harmony would have it, you can bet. 

                                   A world were men are free*

                                   maybe not in time for you and me, but someday....

                                  I hope.

                                   I hope it is in our time. 

*bestie = Best Friend
*Shakin Stevens = Jeans-clad rocker, a bit like Elvis (a bit) famous for 'This ole house' and 'Merry Christmas everyone' 
*Christmas = Well-being of mankind
*A world where men are free* = A dream we can hope for. Possibly help in whatever way we can, even if it is a smile.