Funny texts Parents send.

The mobile phone has changed the world as we know it, and the poor parents/grandparents, are left behind. For those lucky enough to know what life was like before skype, wasapp, sms, internet, the mobile can be seen as a mixed blessing. Now you can be reached at all times, and woe betide you if you don't instantly pick that phone up! You have to be available on tap! on demand. No rest for the wicked. Well not any more. Unless you didn't succumb to buying or receiving a mobile phone. Even if you have pay as you go, don't think that lets you off the hook.. nope, you still more than ever need to be on demand, never ever miss that call to the sound of Tiffany's, 'I think we're alone now'. Only your not, and you never will be again. 

Have a chuckle at these random funny and snortingly amusing texts, genuinely sent, from folk of that certain age, and some from my mum as well. Enjoy. 

DAD:	Where are you? YMWTK
ME:	I’m at Starbucks. What is YMWTK?
DAD:	Your mother wants to know.

---

DAD:	You know how I like to stop and stoplights and bark at the dogs next to me to see if they’ll start barking? I just did that and the lady driving looked over and caught me in the act.
ME:	…I did not know that that was something you liked to do…
DAD:	Really? You can bark silently- act like your barking- and about 50% of dogs will bark back
DAD:	Try it

MOM: did you get the tequila out?
MOM: the dogs r probably hot and need a drink.
ME: You give the dogs tequila?
MOM: oh… I meant water
ME: You cant type “tequila” and actually mean water
MOM: ahem, autocorrect


                             

ME:If there are a bunch of ants on my floor, is that cause for concern?
DAD:Any uncles?

MOM: the house down the street got busted for a meth lab. There is caution tape and it is quarantined and everything.
ME: That is crazy! Do you know the people?
MOM: No, but they didn’t water their lawn so I was not surprised.

Anniversary Dinner

ME: How was the steak by the way!?
MOM: Dinner was good. Sadly, dad was not able to get his straw paper to work but I am proud to report that I zinged him good with mine!!!

MOM: Please take the children out of the freezer if still frozen.
YOU: I don’t even want to look in the freezer now.
MOM: CHICKEN!!!!1!

MOM: Your sweetener came
MOM: Swaddler
MOM: Sweat
MOM: Swatter
MOM: Sweater...

ME: A place I am applying for an internship said on their site that they actively try for a diverse staff. How can I sneakily mention that I am Mexican in a cover letter or resume?
MOM: Hola?

mum: dinner ready at 1one
me: lovely. What is it? 
mum: Foxpots
me: MMM Is that made with real foxes? 
mum: WHAT are you goign on about. Are you stil COMING OVSRr?  

Me:   what you shouting for

mum: I AM NOT ShoutING  LOOK :) 

me:So what's for tea? 

mum: I tols you, FOXPOSTS

me: You mean hot pot?

mum: I SAID THAT! dont be funny Its hard typing with 1! hand.

me: Why one hand? 

mum: ve got the foxpots i nthe other! 

Me Hi, can you pick me up from school? 
Mum YES
ME   Will be at the front gates at 3.15 
MUM: OK
Me: Sure its ok 

MUM   OK

see you then 

 MUM OK 

5 MINS LATER

MUM: Why did you NOT REPLY

Me: To what text? 

Mum: OK

Me: ermm ok back, is that ok! 

MUM YES OK

DAD: Hello…
ME: Hi!
(1 day later)
DAD: Why are you texting Mom today instead of me?
ME: Because I had a question to ask her
DAD: But you are my texting partner so text me and i will give her the message

ME: I got a 54/54 on my history test!
MOM: Alright. Moving in the right direction.
ME: Please try to sound a little happier next time I get a 100.
MOM: YIIIIIPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!! YYYYYIIIPPPPEEEEEEE! KKKKKKIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
MOM: !!!!!

Mum you ok? 

GRANDPA: I finished the harry potter movie. Couldnt hear half of it because my hearing aid fell out but it was visually stimulating. But not as visually stimulating as Avatar. What is Voldamert’s purpose in life?

Mum: I want

Mum: I want an owl for Christmas

Me: There is one hanging in our back garden

Mum: OMG Can you CATCH it for4 me

Mum: I will buy the cage then u don't need to spend money

Me: I promise I will

Are you joking? you cant joke about things liek that bwt

Me: I cant catch it, its huge!LOL

Mum: Is it really there, Im on my way as im textn

Me: Its HUGE

Mum:  iT HUGS! OMG Dont frighten it!

Story Competitions

Short Story YA fiction competition, deadline 3 March 2014

Mardibooks are offering up to 30 IdeasTap members the chance to have their work published in a young adult fiction IdeasTap/Mardibooks e-book anthology sold on Amazon.

Judging

The Mardibooks team

The judges are looking for an original idea, well devised, with an interesting story and developed characterisation. It should be cogent and with an intriguing use of imagery, setting and atmosphere. There should be an interesting use of language and considered and appropriate structural devices.

Deadline

03/03/14

Description

Are you the new JK Rowling or Suzanne Collins? Well we’ve got just the opportunity for you...
Our pals at Mardibooks are offering up to 30 IdeasTap members the chance to have their work published in a young adult fiction IdeasTap/Mardibooks e-book anthology sold on Amazon.
Young adult fiction is usually prose written for readers aged 16 to 25, and so the tone and construction of your short story will need to fit this demographic.

The Mardibooks team is looking for an original idea, well devised, with an interesting story and developed characterisation. Your stories need to show an interesting use of language and considered and appropriate structural devices. Submissions should be from 1,200 to 5,000 words in length.
About Mardibooks

Mardibooks was set up by writers Martin Godleman and Belinda Hunt in 2011 to publish and promote writers with talent, but with no access to the publishing world.

Mardibooks primarily give their time to writers providing advice, editing, proof reading and preparing texts for publication as ebook and/hard copy. They then manage the publishing and distribution including showing writers how best to promote themselves.

This brief closes on Monday 3 March 2014 at 5pm and is open to IdeasTap members aged 16 and over. If you have any technical queries, visit the help centre. Late entries will not be accepted under any circumstances, including technical issues – so make sure you don’t leave your application to the last minute.

Image used under Creative Commons from Christchurch City Libraries.

Follow this brief to download the application form

How to apply

To apply, first click the Follow this brief button. A link to download the application form will then appear - download it and fill it out thoroughly.

Once you've saved your application form, click Apply now – and then just follow the instructions on the page.

Please upload supporting material to your IdeasTap portfolio – the judges will look at this when evaluating your application.

And make sure that you have a photo on your profile. As with all IdeasTap briefs, you have to have a profile photo or image to be eligible. It doesn't have to be a headshot, and you won't be judged on the quality of the image.

This brief closes on Monday 3 March 2014 at 5pm and is open to IdeasTap members aged 16 and over. If you have any technical queries, visit the help centre. Late entries will not be accepted under any circumstances, including technical issues – so make sure you don’t leave your application to the last minute.

How to apply click link and fill in form. 

http://www.ideastap.com/Opportunities/Brief/59c344fc-d4c1-47ed-ac3b-a288011e45ed#Overview

Mumsnet/Gransnet/Walkers Writing Competition and Writers Bureau Monthly Competition

Mumsnet/Gransnet/Walkers Writing Competition (c/d 6th Jan 2014)

Mumsnet/Gransnet and Walker books have just announced details of another free-to-enter children’s story competition. The ten chosen stories (which have to have an ‘animal’ theme), will be published in a new book and will earn their authors a lovely £500. 

All the details are here and you haven’t got long, as the closing date is 6th January 2014.

Writers Bureau Monthly Competition (c/d 31st Dec 2013)