Saturday, 28 December 2013

Funny texts Parents send.

The mobile phone has changed the world as we know it, and the poor parents/grandparents, are left behind. For those lucky enough to know what life was like before skype, wasapp, sms, internet, the mobile can be seen as a mixed blessing. Now you can be reached at all times, and woe betide you if you don't instantly pick that phone up! You have to be available on tap! on demand. No rest for the wicked. Well not any more. Unless you didn't succumb to buying or receiving a mobile phone. Even if you have pay as you go, don't think that lets you off the hook.. nope, you still more than ever need to be on demand, never ever miss that call to the sound of Tiffany's, 'I think we're alone now'. Only your not, and you never will be again. 
Have a chuckle at these random funny and snortingly amusing texts, genuinely sent, from folk of that certain age, and some from my mum as well. Enjoy. 

DAD:Where are you? YMWTK
ME:I’m at Starbucks. What is YMWTK?
DAD:Your mother wants to know.


David After Dentist, 2009, 2013
Oil on vellum

DAD:You know how I like to stop and stoplights and bark at the dogs next to me to see if they’ll start barking? I just did that and the lady driving looked over and caught me in the act.
ME:…I did not know that that was something you liked to do…
DAD:Really? You can bark silently- act like your barking- and about 50% of dogs will bark back
DAD:Try it

MOM: did you get the tequila out?
MOM: the dogs r probably hot and need a drink.
ME: You give the dogs tequila?
MOM: oh… I meant water
ME: You cant type “tequila” and actually mean water
MOM: ahem, autocorrect


ME:If there are a bunch of ants on my floor, is that cause for concern?
DAD:Any uncles?

MOM: the house down the street got busted for a meth lab. There is caution tape and it is quarantined and everything.
ME: That is crazy! Do you know the people?
MOM: No, but they didn’t water their lawn so I was not surprised.

Anniversary Dinner

ME: How was the steak by the way!?
MOM: Dinner was good. Sadly, dad was not able to get his straw paper to work but I am proud to report that I zinged him good with mine!!!

MOM: Please take the children out of the freezer if still frozen.
YOU: I don’t even want to look in the freezer now.

MOM: Your sweetener came
MOM: Swaddler
MOM: Sweat
MOM: Swatter
MOM: Sweater...

ME: A place I am applying for an internship said on their site that they actively try for a diverse staff. How can I sneakily mention that I am Mexican in a cover letter or resume?
MOM: Hola?

mum: dinner ready at 1one
me: lovely. What is it? 
mum: Foxpots
me: MMM Is that made with real foxes? 
mum: WHAT are you goign on about. Are you stil COMING OVSRr?  
Me:   what you shouting for
mum: I AM NOT ShoutING  LOOK :) 
me:So what's for tea? 
mum: I tols you, FOXPOSTS
me: You mean hot pot?
mum: I SAID THAT! dont be funny Its hard typing with 1! hand.
me: Why one hand? 
mum: ve got the foxpots i nthe other! 

Me Hi, can you pick me up from school? 
ME   Will be at the front gates at 3.15 
Me: Sure its ok 
see you then 

MUM: Why did you NOT REPLY
Me: To what text? 
Mum: OK
Me: ermm ok back, is that ok! 

DAD: Hello…
ME: Hi!
(1 day later)
DAD: Why are you texting Mom today instead of me?
ME: Because I had a question to ask her
DAD: But you are my texting partner so text me and i will give her the message

ME: I got a 54/54 on my history test!
MOM: Alright. Moving in the right direction.
ME: Please try to sound a little happier next time I get a 100.
MOM: !!!!!
Mum you ok? 

GRANDPA: I finished the harry potter movie. Couldnt hear half of it because my hearing aid fell out but it was visually stimulating. But not as visually stimulating as Avatar. What is Voldamert’s purpose in life?

Mum: I want
Mum: I want an owl for Christmas
Me: There is one hanging in our back garden
Mum: OMG Can you CATCH it for4 me
Mum: I will buy the cage then u don't need to spend money
Me: I promise I will
Are you joking? you cant joke about things liek that bwt
Me: I cant catch it, its huge!LOL
Mum: Is it really there, Im on my way as im textn
Me: Its HUGE
Mum:  iT HUGS! OMG Dont frighten it!